Dear Blog,
I'm just not feeling on writing anything. I just feel teruk yang teramat sangat. I just want everything to end in good terms. I feel empty. I'm just so grateful to Allah SWT to make me stronger this time. Although am not that strong but I definitely get through this. I can feel it in my bones that it's gonna happen. But I really hope that it's not. And I hope my doa to HIM will be dimakbulkan. I am hoping, praying and doa so hard. That's what she said.
She doesn't know if she should call and convince him or should she give him time. Kalaw diam macam wat salah tapi if she actually contact him takut kaco pulak. Dah jadi macam stranger. Once they were everything to each other and when she did that they were like strangers.
Whatever it is she just hope he'll be fine. My doa will always be with him.
Love is patient. Love you.
10 October 2012
08 October 2012
Day 2
Dear moi darling blog,
I need someone to be there for me again. She told me things again. Hari ni rase macam panjang sangat. She just can't bear it. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Can't even think straight. The only she can do is pray to Allah SWT to be strong to face this test. She recite Al-Quran and doa so that she can pull herself together. That's all she can do for now.
Her housemates are like her savers. Everytime she's termenung they will try to make her laugh. So untung maa dapat housemate cenggitu. She just don't know whats gonna happen if she's all alone. At night, she cried herself to sleep. Cry is all she can do.
She really wants to pick up the phone and call him or text him. Just to say ' I miss you so much yg'
or 'I just hope we can be like before' or just a not so simple 'I LOVE YOU sayang' that means so much. But she can't. Although she loves him so much. So much yang sampai orang laen takkan paham. She has to live with the consequences. Need to give him all the time he's gonna need. This time although the future is not looking so good, she needs to put and try her best to make him happy for the last time. Sad but true.
I think he's happy today because he doesn't have to think of her. If it kills her inside, she just hope that he is at peace. For a second, she thought, I'm sorry.
Heart beats fast,
colours and promises,
How to brave,
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall,
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow,
One step closer.
I have died everyday waiting for you,
And I have loved you for all our times.
(sounds childish with the lyrics and all but that's what the heart is saying right now)
Till then.
I need someone to be there for me again. She told me things again. Hari ni rase macam panjang sangat. She just can't bear it. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Can't even think straight. The only she can do is pray to Allah SWT to be strong to face this test. She recite Al-Quran and doa so that she can pull herself together. That's all she can do for now.
Her housemates are like her savers. Everytime she's termenung they will try to make her laugh. So untung maa dapat housemate cenggitu. She just don't know whats gonna happen if she's all alone. At night, she cried herself to sleep. Cry is all she can do.
She really wants to pick up the phone and call him or text him. Just to say ' I miss you so much yg'
or 'I just hope we can be like before' or just a not so simple 'I LOVE YOU sayang' that means so much. But she can't. Although she loves him so much. So much yang sampai orang laen takkan paham. She has to live with the consequences. Need to give him all the time he's gonna need. This time although the future is not looking so good, she needs to put and try her best to make him happy for the last time. Sad but true.
I think he's happy today because he doesn't have to think of her. If it kills her inside, she just hope that he is at peace. For a second, she thought, I'm sorry.
Heart beats fast,
colours and promises,
How to brave,
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall,
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow,
One step closer.
I have died everyday waiting for you,
And I have loved you for all our times.
(sounds childish with the lyrics and all but that's what the heart is saying right now)
Till then.
07 October 2012
Day 1
Dear blog,
From today onward I'm going to just mumbling and talking peliks things. Because you are the only one I'm going to have, supporting and understands me. Today I'm gonna tell you about a girl...na'ah a lady kot who did an awful thing. So awful that even she can't forgive herself. She's writing because she can't get through without her other half even for one day. Ni kan pulak her whole life without him. Thinking and thinking about the feelings of losing him, she just died inside slowly. The housemates just kept telling her you've changed. And it is not good. They even joke about sending her to the hospital and definitely not the kind with actual sick people. Hahah very funny la you guys. Tanjung Rambutan pulak dahhh. And in class she just felt so lost. Tried to focus as hard as she can. She's just lost. She just felt the need to go home and meet her parents and cry to ummi.
How is she ever going to get the real forgiveness. I say never. Find someone that loves you is as hard as it can be. But keeping the love intact is the hardest. To jaga hati dia and end up to hurt him even more was the worst thing she did. Blaming herself is not gonna take her anywhere. I'm afraid for her. Hope her Iman can take care of her well. You know what she told me. She can't take everything back. I mean what she did. Making other people miserable because of you is the worst feeling ever.
She never wanted to be selfish. So she decided to redha although her heart is not accepting it yet or in my opinion she's never going to accept it. I just hope both of them will get through. I hope he will be happy. Find a nice girl and get married and be happy forever. Although she'll die inside but his happiness will always be her main concern. Penting sangat. She will NEVER move on normally. She rather die of heartbroken rather than watch her guy live with his heart broken.
She felt so bad that no tears can't come out of her eyes anymore. She is so sorry of what she did that she felt sorry for being sorry. That was how sorry she was. Although how hard she wanted to fight for him, she's afraid that she's going to hurt him again. That thought almost killed her. She just felt he is so kind and definitely the perfect guy for her but Allah SWT is the One that planned her life. Sume yang terjadi ade hikmah. So she just gonna wait and see what's gonna happen.And redha and be thankful because she always believe what Allah SWT plan will be the best plan for her.
Even the housemates asked her to be optimistic. Maybe this is a way for her to change without going back this time. Although she's not 'curang' or anything as bad as that, lie is bad enough. Maybe Allah SWT wants to save her from doing other terrible things. She's trying the hardest and hope that they were all true. Everything happens for a reason. She pray so hard that everything will be okay eventually. 1 week, 1 month, 1 year alone or her whole life alone, she's going to endure it. No matter what. But for now she's going to fight for him with all the strength she has or even more. I just don't want any regrets. Fight for my love ones is what he taught me.
Hope things will work out..
From today onward I'm going to just mumbling and talking peliks things. Because you are the only one I'm going to have, supporting and understands me. Today I'm gonna tell you about a girl...na'ah a lady kot who did an awful thing. So awful that even she can't forgive herself. She's writing because she can't get through without her other half even for one day. Ni kan pulak her whole life without him. Thinking and thinking about the feelings of losing him, she just died inside slowly. The housemates just kept telling her you've changed. And it is not good. They even joke about sending her to the hospital and definitely not the kind with actual sick people. Hahah very funny la you guys. Tanjung Rambutan pulak dahhh. And in class she just felt so lost. Tried to focus as hard as she can. She's just lost. She just felt the need to go home and meet her parents and cry to ummi.
How is she ever going to get the real forgiveness. I say never. Find someone that loves you is as hard as it can be. But keeping the love intact is the hardest. To jaga hati dia and end up to hurt him even more was the worst thing she did. Blaming herself is not gonna take her anywhere. I'm afraid for her. Hope her Iman can take care of her well. You know what she told me. She can't take everything back. I mean what she did. Making other people miserable because of you is the worst feeling ever.
She never wanted to be selfish. So she decided to redha although her heart is not accepting it yet or in my opinion she's never going to accept it. I just hope both of them will get through. I hope he will be happy. Find a nice girl and get married and be happy forever. Although she'll die inside but his happiness will always be her main concern. Penting sangat. She will NEVER move on normally. She rather die of heartbroken rather than watch her guy live with his heart broken.
She felt so bad that no tears can't come out of her eyes anymore. She is so sorry of what she did that she felt sorry for being sorry. That was how sorry she was. Although how hard she wanted to fight for him, she's afraid that she's going to hurt him again. That thought almost killed her. She just felt he is so kind and definitely the perfect guy for her but Allah SWT is the One that planned her life. Sume yang terjadi ade hikmah. So she just gonna wait and see what's gonna happen.And redha and be thankful because she always believe what Allah SWT plan will be the best plan for her.
Even the housemates asked her to be optimistic. Maybe this is a way for her to change without going back this time. Although she's not 'curang' or anything as bad as that, lie is bad enough. Maybe Allah SWT wants to save her from doing other terrible things. She's trying the hardest and hope that they were all true. Everything happens for a reason. She pray so hard that everything will be okay eventually. 1 week, 1 month, 1 year alone or her whole life alone, she's going to endure it. No matter what. But for now she's going to fight for him with all the strength she has or even more. I just don't want any regrets. Fight for my love ones is what he taught me.
Hope things will work out..
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